If you don't have anything nice to say...

The other day, I came across an opinion piece called "I'm her mom, not the nanny!" The writer is - by her own description - obviously Latina. Her daughter is much fairer with stick straight brown hair. Honestly, I don't think the piece is all that great (seriously, it's disjointed and all over the place), but I totally understand the underlying sentiment. In a nutshell, it’s a woman's musing about how she is perceived as her daughter's babysitter instead of her mom . . .

Someone once told me that the Twin Cities is a great place for interracial families to live. I don't know if that's officially true, but from my vantage point, it does seem that there are quite a few mixed couples around. You’d think with so much mixing and mingling, the whole mixed race family thing would be a non issue. Unfortunately, it’s not. I am absolutely certain that each and every interracial couple (especially the ones with children) can tell you a story about stupid comments lobbed their way.

When you see a woman and a child cuddling and smiling together, don’t stop and inquire about the woman’s role. I don’t care if you think she’s the nanny or the help, why do you need to articulate that? Is it any of your business? And, frankly, on what basis have you decided that they aren’t related? Hair color? Eye color? Skin color? Oh, if you’re dumb enough to say some sh*t, don’t compound the mistake by reacting in disbelief when they correct you.

If you walk past a couple walking hand in hand, leave them be. You don’t know them and they don’t know you, so your pleas about what type of person either ought to be dating are completely pointless. Let’s say for example that the couple is a black male and an asian female. Do you think telling him that “a brutha ought to be dating a sista” is going to make him dump his girlfriend on the spot and talk to you? Um, no. What it is actually doing is making him quite glad that he’s with his lovely girlfriend and not dating a crazy biatch like you!

Finally, I don’t care what where you grew up and what your life experience is - don’t be a dumbass. Scenario: coworkers have been chatting about their families. Unbeknownst to Coworker A, Coworker B is part of an interracial couple – she’s Nigerian and he’s an Iowa farm boy and their kids are (obviously) mixed. Coworker B finally brings a family picture into the office – her, her husband, and their very blond (and cute) kids. Coworker A says “What a great picture, so much love. Can I ask you, how long did it take for your husband’s kids to accept you as their stepmom?” What the eff? The number of assumptions being made here is mind blowing!

People, people, people…think before you speak! Listen folks, we all carry with us assumptions about how things ought to be, but that doesn’t give you the right to say that crap out loud. You may not be racist (or so you say claim as you bungle your way through a weak ass apology), but you are clearly an insensitive A-hole. Why do you think it’s okay to verbalize the dumb sh*t running through your head when it comes to race? Listen, on a regular basis, I am confronted with couples that challenge my personal assumptions – for example, the hotness/notness couple. But I have never ever asked anyone why they were with their not so pretty partner (or conversely, how they managed to land such a goddess). You don’t say that kind of sh*t outloud. I may be snarky, but I’m not an A-hole.

SOURCE: Louisa Stokes / FreeDigitalPhotos.net