Mothers vs Non-Mothers: It's a Choice Not a Side

Alright, this week's post is going to be a bitch rant rave on a topic that's been annoying me to no end lately: Mothers vs Non-Mothers, the epic and idiotic battle. I am sick and tired of women whining about their life and how the other "side" doesn't understand them. Mother or Non-Mother: it's a choice not a side. Don't let it tear us apart.

For some reason, I have come across multiple articles about motherhood in the last 6 months or so. From our very own fabulous Snarky Apples: Scarlet's Mommy's Time Out and Karmijn's No Babies for Me, But Thanks for Asking to LearnVest's Is Child-Free the Way to Be? and Los Angelista's No One Cares If Mothers Are Exhausted. I have found each of these articles an interesting point of view of one person's experience. Yes, I agreed and disagreed with things, felt annoyed at some comments and commiserated with others. However, through posting such articles such on my Facebook page, I have found how utterly incensed, bitter, hurtful and insensitive women can get about this topic. It seems to be the great divide these days. The claws come out. Mud is thrown. Breasts are bared. I mean, women get seriously up in arms! And I think it's absolutely appalling that we let this so define us, separate us and rule our relationships with other gals that it ruins friendships.

It's a pretty basic statement: People change. No one makes the same decisions or lives the same life. And you're not going to understand everyone else's decisions or lives.

My best friend had a child 2 years ago. I love her little girl and fully support her as a mother. I was there at the birth and I've been there for many of the celebrations since. I fully understand and accept that she no longer has as much time to spend with me. I'm happy to make the time for her when she needs me and I readjust my schedule as much as I have to in order to hang out with her. I keep in touch with her consistently to keep her sane, but try not to pressure her or demand attention that she can't give. In short, even though I'm not planning on being one myself, I get that being a mother means rearranging priorities.

Yes, to be honest, it took me some time to adjust to this (It seemed to happen pretty suddenly even though I had 9+ months to prepare). Yes, no matter how much I try, I won't understand everything she's going through. And I won't deny that every once in a while I bitch with my Snarky Apples (both Moms and Non-Moms) about certain things I don't comprehend, but I consider that a part of continuing to try to understand. Main point: I accept that she has changed. I'm so glad that she's happy. I love her. And I want her to remain in my life. Period.

There's been so much talk about this whole Mothers vs Non-Mothers thing. Non-Mothers bitching that the Mothers shut them out of their lives and no longer have time for them. Mothers bitching that the Non-Mothers expect too much from them and no longer understand them. Wah wah wah! Do I hear a baby crying?!

I say, SHOVE IT! And stop letting it tear us apart. Friends have lost friends over this for no other reason than that they can't seem to accept change in each other's lives and don't work to understand that change.

Lives change. Get over it. Deal with it. Stop alienating the other person. It's as if we instantly expect the other not to understand us anymore once a baby comes into the picture - and if we fall into that way of thinking, we're doing a great job at making exactly that come true. Accept one another's choices - that's what they are and they are right for the individual, not necessarily for you.

Don't judge that choice just because you don't want it yourself. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and remember that you love that person. They will always continue to change and so will you. Treasure that change. Help each other to understand. Talk about it. Prepare for it before the baby is born by talking about worries and fears on both sides. And share your needs afterwards. No one person is more important in the friendship. Each person's needs are valid and should be communicated. That's the way to keep a relationship healthy - baby or no baby. Ladies, Mothers, Non-Mothers, Women of the World: let's make a conscious choice to stop this war. It takes work, but your friends are worth it.

SOURCE: Snarky Apple