No babies for me, but thanks for asking

Some women have or want to have babies and that’s fine. Some women, like me, do not want to have babies and that is also fine. So to those that want to keep harassing me about not having children, please stop asking or just f#&* off.

I hear it all the time. “So, now that you are married, when are you and Alexi having kids?” Alexi is my husband and we both do not want to have kids – ever. Why you ask? Multiple reasons, but the simple answer is because we don’t. Unfortunately, that is not a good answer for many people and they barrage me with multiple questions every time my husband and I run into them.

My response to these questions usually consists of the following, “Thank you for asking, but we want to spend time focusing on our love for each other”. I usually get a look of shock, horror, or confusion. Shortly after this, the follow up questions and comments continue, “When do you think you will be ready?” or “But you would be a great mom! Why don’t you just try?”, or my personal favorite, “You're young, you will change your mind soon, don’t worry”. Basically, these questions imply that I know nothing about being a woman or an adult and heaven forbid that I don’t reproduce immediately. Bish, I’m a 30-year-old adult and I think I’ve made some pretty good decisions this far and stuck to them.

Misery loves company. I’m kidding. However, don’t get me wrong; Alexi and I love children. I always offer to babysit my friends’ kids, (although no one has actually taken me up on that offer), and I’ve been a Sunday school teacher, camp counselor, and mentor to numerous children in multiple states. In fact, I think they are fun, cute and awesome. All my parts work and I am in the best health of my life. Yet, I don’t have the instincts or rational desire to have them. Does that make me less of a woman to not want to have a child either by using my body, my eggs, or my money to adopt? No, it doesn’t.

I am not a selfish person, but I do want to be selfish once in a while. Alexi and I were individuals enjoying single life before we met. Now that we are together, we want to spend time learning about each other and enjoying each other. Relationships take work and we want to be on this journey for the long haul. Some say that a child won’t get in the way of that, and if anything, will add to that long, lovely journey. That is not my opinion. Sure, after eighteen years the kids move away (but that’s not so true anymore) and then time frees up again, but until they are gone, it’s all about the kids. I have a great life right now and I want it to be all about me and Alexi.

As my lovely friend Scarlet knows, people will give you flack for wanting to be selfish (see the “mommy’s time out” post) and guess what? Everyone is entitled to be selfish and to find their own piece of happiness. I am entitled to happiness just like everyone else. I am also a woman, but I am not going to let my fallopian tubes and uterus define my happiness or who I am as a person.

SOURCE: Dreamstime